Drifting

For anyone who has felt the agony of unrequited love. And felt they were alone:

Must sleep;
But I’d dream of you.

Should eat;
But I won’t keep it down.

Would cry;
But it’d upset you.

You eat, you sleep, you cry.
Why do I care?

Infuriating Love

For a girl who, to this day, ties me up in knots:

It would be easier if you weren’t around,
If you just ceased to be.
It’s not that I honestly hate you,
I just hate how you get to me.

If you died I’d always feel empty,
From that day to years down the line.
I don’t want to cut you out of my life,
It’s just hard that you’ll never be mine.

You take all the small things so harshly,
A sharp look or a move of my chair.
It’s not that I’m sending you signals-
While I’m thoughtless, I really do care.

So maybe we’re not meant to be together,
Perhaps last summer really is dead and gone.
All I know is it cannot stay like this
Where it’s neither off nor on.

Sunny Success

The sun was out in Oxford on that Tuesday afternoon
I was convinced I would succeed.
That I’d achieved three sevens at key stage three
Seemed all I’d ever need.

That morning they’d put us on a coach
Told us we could achieve the earth.
That we were the BEST in our whole year
We were determined to prove our worth.

To the public school professors
Who gave us an inspirational chat.
We were merely state-school kids but
We wanted to be just like that!

That fresh-faced self-assurance
Was a wonderful thing to behold.
The neat lawns, the quaint little town
Fucking hell, I was sold.

Three years down the line
Any naiveté is long since gone.
The smug little cunt who thought she could succeed
Was left in Oxford with the sun what shone.

Fucking Clouds

For my friend Garry:

Left to swirl through clouds,
Truly Madly Deeply, fucked
As the rain begins.

Jumping Jax

Bruised hands
Aching stomach
Stinging thighs

Bloody knife
Grey cloud
Running eyes

Louder voices
Darker thoughts
Twisted cries

JUMP.

Entwined, Encased, Enveloped.

I don’t remember when I last cried
I fear I may be dead inside.
My body is no longer my own,
Now it belongs to her and her alone.

My best enemy and my worst friend,
Screams insults with a gentle caress.
She’s inside my head- I can’t pretend,
“I love you and your worthlessness”

I don’t remember when I last cried
I fear I may be dead inside.
My body is no longer my own,
Now it belongs to her and her alone.

When I fail to reach the level she sets,
My apology is carved into my skin.
Permanent devotion is all she expects,
And I promise that it was my last sin.

I don’t remember when I last cried
I fear I may be dead inside.
My body is no longer my own,
Now it belongs to her and her alone.

The two of us have somehow made one,
We became entwined as time went by.
But our journey together has hardly begun,
She’ll be with me till we die.

It'Sonnet

The dull ache of a belly full of air,
Sleepless nights, dizzy heads- I still want more.
My greatest desire, my bones laid bare,
A longing reaching right through to my core.
I want to leave no footprints in the snow,
To be so light I can dance with the clouds.
I can and will reach my goal, I know,
My bones and I will stand out from the crowds.
Eventually, I will dance with death,
I welcome the day my life trickles out.
To be just flesh and bone for my last breath,
Will be my happiest day, I've no doubt.
I've learned to fill up on my fantasy,
And I can cut my way to ecstasy.

Introduction

I'm Rachel and I'm a poet.

Thanks very much.